


Falling in and out of love

by pizzatlas



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Alternate Canon, Angst, Bad Writing, Falling In Love, Falling Out of Love, Heartbreak, I'm Bad At Tagging, M/M, Not Beta Read, Slow Build, Slow Burn, help i dont really know how to english, i dont know where this came from, no happy ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-09
Updated: 2018-07-09
Packaged: 2019-06-07 18:34:12
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,418
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15225372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pizzatlas/pseuds/pizzatlas
Summary: It takes a lot of time, but eventually Kyungsoo falls in love. Just a little bit too late.





	1. Falling out of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my english is trash but it's not my first language! Also i know my writing is pretty bad so if you see any mistakes let me know!

The first time they see each other, Jongins’ smile flatters at the sight of the small guy with puffy cheeks and heart shaped lips glaring at everyone from the corner of the room like he already hates them. He doesn’t understand and makes a note to himself to ask Junmyeon about the tiny boy later.

He completely forgets about the glaring guy when a manager enters the room and gives them the good news. He can’t contain his happiness and along another two boys he doesn’t really know yelps a little victory scream.

When the meeting ends he finds himself unable to stop smiling. He’s going to debut, he has finally made it.

He bumps into someone and lowers his gaze only to be met by a beautiful smile and big almond eyes as he excuses himself.

“It’s ok,” the tiny boy says as he stretches his hand and takes Jongin’s in “my name is Kyungsoo”.

“Jongin”, he replies awkwardly.

And that moment, although they don’t know, is the start of a beautiful friendship.

__________________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

Two years since their debut and Jongin is completely sure of his feelings, although he suspects he’s been for quite some time, not being able to accept them as that would make them much more real than they already are. He’s head over heels for Kyungsoo. Completely and utterly in love with him. And he’s afraid.

Because Kyungsoo doesn’t see him as anything more than friends. Because he smiles the way Jongin wishes he did to him, the way he smiles to Kyungsoo, to another, to one of his friends, and he can’t compete against that, he loves him too much to come in the way of his happiness.

And Jongin is sad. All the time. He mopes and keeps silent most days, watching from a distance the love of his life laugh at another’s words. Oh, how he wishes he was the one to make him smile like that.

His bandmates don’t seem to notice it, and if they do, they keep quiet about it and don’t bother him. He’s grateful most of the time, but sometimes he wishes they came to him and asked how he feels. But he laughs at their jokes, dances and learns with them, trying not to glance at the no longer tiny boy, going on with his life and learning how to cope with everything.

But Jongin is still sad and nobody helps him.

______________________________________________________________________________________________________________________

One day Jongin is cleaning the training room before going to the dorms when a cough startles him only to find Kyungsoo eyeing him with interest. Jongin keeps cleaning quietly, waiting for the older boy to speak.

“Why are you always the last one to leave?” he asks curiously “You hardly need the practice, you are the best dancer I’ve ever met in my entire life”.

Jongin tries not to burst right there at the elder’s words and counts to ten to regulate his breathing before being able to answer.

“There’s always room for improvement”, Kyungsoo furrows his brows at that and moving his nose just the way it always makes Jongin’s heart melt, looks at him quizzically.

They spend two minutes like that just staring at each other until Jongin finally sighs and takes his things from the floor, brushing against Kyungsoo to get to the door, his breathe catches once again.

“I’m going back to the dorms, you coming?” asks the boy, his voice cracking a bit at the last words.

He really wishes Kyungsoo says no, because his breathing is starting to quicken and he feels his heart is going to burst. He also hopes he says yes, because he loves the boy and spending some time alone with him, even if it’s only fifteen minutes in the car with their manager, means the world to him.

Kyungsoo moves away from him and Jongin feels a little colder than seconds before, like the he is taking his warmth with him.

“No” It’s all he says without even a glance back before plugging his phone on the speakers and starting to search for some music. He says this carelessly, his voice void of any emotion.

He doesn’t care for Jongin, this much he knows, but still it breaks his heart every single time, because even though Kyungsoo has been his friend for almost four years, he’s always been indifferent to Jongin, not caring enough to even check if the boy was ok if he fell during a performance while the other members worried over him or to ask if he was feeling better after a night of vomiting because of a virus, and those things, even though little in comparison to everything else, broke him.

Jongin doesn’t say anything else, because like many other times, he feels another crack to his already hurt feelings, and finally he snaps. He exits the building and enters the car as he feels his eyes starting to burn. The manager doesn’t ask him questions, only looks at him through the mirror strangely and starts the car.

In that car, while crying his eyes out he promises to himself to fall out of love with Do Kyungsoo, no matter how hard it gets.

And still, Jongin is sad. So, so sad.


	2. Part 2: Falling in love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry if my english is trash but it's not my first language! Also I know my writing is pretty bad so if you see any mistakes let me know!

Over the years, Kyungsoo has developed the skill to hide so deep within himself that no one knows what he’s feeling, and sometimes, he realizes, even himself can’t tell.

It’s a weird thing, he often thinks, not to know how he feels, to think he is so devoid of any emotion that even he starts to worry.

But then he starts to feel again. There’s someone. Someone who warms his heart and flushes his cheeks, who makes him smile and laugh more than he has ever. He feels so good around him, and they spend so much time together, that when the person he loves the most leaves him behind he’s left wrecked. Wrecked because he has to see him every day, laughing like he did with Kyungsoo not long ago, with somebody else, because he thought he loved him, but what wrecks him the most is the moment he realises he didn’t. He didn’t love him at all. It was just the craving of love what made him feel that way.

He knows that because when he sees who he thought was the love of his life kiss another boy, he doesn’t feel nothing. And that’s what hurts him the most.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Kyungsoo spends some time getting around his feelings, finally recognizing them but still hiding them from everyone else. During these months he realises how self-centred he has always been because he doesn’t know any of his bandmates well, except for one. Talking to the members seems hard and it stings to see them get along with each other so well but being so awkward around him. That’s when he notices it.

 Jongin, the sweet and happy boy that months before was the only one that talked to him every day like a lovely puppy, no longer glances his way, not even a smile he could get out of the boy and there were no more good mornings said with his soft voice. Now he only could see a sad boy and he knows the others can see it too, so when he goes one day to ask Sehun about it, the boy gives him the first rude response he’s ever gotten from him.

“It’s none of your business, besides if you really cared, you would know it” he says rather harshly and turns around leaving Kyungsoo startled.

He doesn’t press any harder on the matter and in just a few days he forgets about the incident, not thinking about it ever again. Still, he begins to pay more attention to Jongin and begins to notice little things about him that make him smile, like the way he cutely tends to walk asleep when he’s too exhausted to even keep his eyes open, how his eyes are so expressive even with the tiniest things… But what Kyungsoo sees more in the boy is that he is sad. So, so sad. And Kyungsoo doesn’t know why, but his heart itches a little bit every time he realises it.

_________________________________________________________________________________

Only months later Kyungsoo is able to admit that he has fallen in love with Jongin, and by that time it is too late. Jongin still is a sad boy, but he no longer loves Kyungsoo. **And Kyungsoo is sad. So, so sad.**

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi! Thank you to everyone who read until the end, I am truly grateful. This is my first fanfic so it's the messiest mess in this world, even more so with my extent knowledge of english writing and grammar in general... But regardless of that I really hope you all enjoyed it!
> 
> If you liked it please don't hesitate to leave a comment and kudos if you want!!
> 
> xoxo, andrea.


End file.
